A Spoonful of Sugar
Food is my best friend.
ok but literally how
how do you fit that many birds in your goddamn jacket
when you hear somebody talking about one of your interests
i have a lot of homework, so i’ve decided to start watching a new tv series
"What a beautiful wedding."
— the bridesmaid (to the waiter)
Dad Jokes Seriously Got Legit 🙌 by Thomas Sanders
my ideal weight is the weight of me holding eight puppies
mother: is it a boy or a girl?
doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor